Tuesday, 30 October 2012


I was catching up with my blogging friends this morning and came to 'Buttons Thoughts'

Since then my mind has been dwelling
(as it seems to do these days) on the past
and all that has happened!

Thinking of a title the word 'Yesterday' came to mind and, somehow the beginning lyrics
seemed so apt

"Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as if they're here to stay
I believe in Yesterday
Suddenly...I'm not half the man I used to be....." etc
(The Beatles)

This post is not my normal and I apologise.
I have a load of photos of our coast
and hills in my camera but I wanted just to share my thoughts with my blogging friends

I so empathised with Buttons...
when I read her latest post. 

I've been married to a farmer for over 46 years and prior to that had nothing to do with farming

I have learnt beside him, helped with the farm work, worried over the animals and the crops.....

.... the weather and Government forms and edicts

We've built buildings and bought land....
which needed the scrub cleared
and the crops planted...ditches to drain it...
...and maintain
Animals who needed to be milked
and generally cared for

As many do in farming here,
we moved out to allow our son to continue the family farm and we semi retired to a different farm.

Now all our land is rented out...

My husband frets
over the different way my son farms
and the ditches not cleared and the hedges not cut

Those among you
who are farmers can probably agree.

As with so many farmer's wives
I stand between my son and husband.

I tell my husband what a good farmer and man he is
....and he really is!!

I so often wish to say to him
that I grieve over the hard work he has done
being undone
but that would be ammunition for him 
and it would probably be twisted (when quoted)because of his pain.

My son is an excellent farmer too
but manages his farming in a different way.
He's brought organic farming to our land and is
highly thought of in the community

In my mind's eye I see a strong young man,
bare chested ... one of our children on his shoulders and a farm dog at his feet

Now I see an old and bent man still tryng to do his best for me and his family!!!

Since I broke both my ankles and damaged my back nearly 5 years ago
I am no longer able to help him.

Operation after operation has left me
unable to do all I once loved....
although I am trying to reclaim some of that!

Buttons talked of the agony of making the decision to take addictive drugs here 

In June I was admitted as an emergency from A &E
.... warded for a week and started on morphine.

I feel I should try and come off it but the pain is really bad (even after my recent surgery)

So my elderly husband is working outside
and I am inside grieving because I can't do more

Sorry if this is not what you expected
and I promise I will move on from this but it is
always inside me and I needed to say it!

When I looked out of my window this morning
I saw (as always)
my neighbours old cow shed

It has become inaccessible through trees and brambles etc. 
 I thought of those people, long ago,
with their hopes and dreams and, probably, 
far harder work than we had to do..
...no electricity, tractors etc...
(my husband often talks of those times these days.... when he had to be up at 3am to put the horses to before the flies came)

So it seemed appropriate to take some photos
Notice when I walked there...
cat came too!!

My thoughts are so much
with my blogging friends and all those on the east cost of America...and soon Canada.....
May God watch over you!


  1. Ah Joan....this was so well written. I am so very sorry for your pain.
    Big hugs...
    xo Kris

  2. You have my sympathy and empathy and I will stop there so this doesn't become a woe is ME comment. I understand!

  3. Very well-expressed, Joan. This is definitely a difficult time of change for you and your husband. The younger generation will always have new ideas and approaches to try. I send along hugs, plus hopes for improvement for you. xo Nellie

  4. Oh Joan this is a beautiful yet painful post.Thank you. I am so happy you have shared this with us all. I do understand and I think hearing that others feel and think the same way and may be going through similar or maybe worse things make a world of difference. The sharing is the key. I at first did not want to write or should I say post this I write for my girls so they will understand but I have found that getting it out seems to help others just a little which makes me happy. I never know how people will react to what I write. I was surprised at the reaction to this one. Surprised but not sad. Communication is the key.
    I think if you can share with others things they thought they could not share opens you up to a whole new way of thinking and I think that this is a good thing. Don't you?
    I have been thinking of you and your comment and know you and your husband will get through this. I think your son is smart in doing organics and I think your two men will work it out someday.Men tend to gnaw on things longer they do not always except changes as easy. The young ones don't do things the same way BUT that does not make it wrong, you should be proud of your son, the old way is the very hard way maybe he is right.
    Sorry this comment is like a post itself.

    This was a beautiful post. Thank you for it.HUGS B

  5. Hi Joan, my goodness.. you poured your heart out and wrote a compelling post. Just keep talking to your husband and encourage him to put away the grudges and hurts and love his son for what he is doing. Tell your husband would he have liked it better if your son went far away and made his own way in the world and you never saw him again? I feel for both of them.. but mostly for a son who knows his father isn't appreciative of his efforts or his hard work. Try to get them together.. sorry for you being in the middle. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

  6. Good morning Joan,
    How brave that you shared your heart with us,I imagine you felt a bit better as soon as it was all out,sometimes that is all it needs.
    It will be ok in time,the thing is things are always resolved in Gods time and we get a little bit frustrated even though we know in time all will be well.It is a different situation for us,but our son and wife are very cross with us because we have put Mum first for now,we work full time and Mum is 91 and with us,they feel we should put her in a home and travel 2 hours to visit them whenever we have a moment,they do not come to us,I am standing by my decision that it is Mums time,but I cannot please them all...kids...who'd have them! just joking..Honestly Joan I can see what your husband is thinking but your lad is doing the right thing also,all you can do is what you are doing now,supporting them both.xx

  7. Getting older takes much courage. Courage to face the facts that we are not able to do what we used to do. Courage to let go of the past. Courage to make a new life, with the aches and pains, love and laughter of a lifetime. The first step is acknowledging our limitations of the physical, but we are free to expand our spiritual side.
    My parents recently died within one year of each other. My Father worked his whole life to build a beautiful home that was all paid for so my Mother and he could retire in comfort. But Alzheimer's claimed my dear Father and left my Mother to care for him. When she (and all their children) tried her best and couldn't do it any longer, the home that my parents built with their heart and soul became the property of the Medicaid system when he had to go into a nursing home. My parent's home is down the little dirt lane from me. For 30 years I have had the comfort of my parents living down this country lane within a short walk. Now they are gone and their home has been vandalized and overgrown. It is a painful journey to walk down this road now. But I have learned, it is not the places we live in that matter the most. It is the places in the heart that keep on going until eternity. Those memories are what are most important. The love and the memories. I hope this helps. I wish for you all the best. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your husband. Be kind to your son. That is all you can do. You are very brave and I hope with time all of these worries and pains will resolve itself. You deserve this. xx

  8. Oh Joan I can feel you pain through your post. I'm not a farmer but I know what hard work it can be. I wish you all the best.
    This is a very well written post by the way.
    Take care :))

  9. Joan, I am so glad you wrote this post, because you opened up and let us in on your thoughts and your troubles and that takes great courage. I am not a farmer, but we have had troubles here, the last two years have been the hardest of my life. We go on, day after day and I want you to know that you are doing a great job. Pain is a horrible thing to live with day in and day out. Take care of yourself and be easy on yourself.

  10. Joan, that was such an honest and raw post. I think we felt what you are going through. I think many farmers (and other workers) who are nearing retirement or are retired, whose son takes over the business, find it very difficult to adjust to the ways of the younger. There is a lot of pain in that adjustment, a lot of difficulty, and I can understand a mother being the one in the middle, proud of both her men - of the husband for the hard work he has done and what he's accomplished; for the son's willingness to take over and want to do better. It's a very difficult thing, and of course the son will never understand the long and hard path that was forged to get and keep that farm all these years.

  11. You and your husband have worked hard all of your lives and it's hard to see things change and not be able to do what you once did. It sounds like you've raised a fine son and I'm glad he wanted to continue farming. It's not easy to make a living farming here any more...and I'm sure it's the same way there. Take care of yourself, my friend and I am praying that your healing will be speedy. Sweet hugs!

  12. I can only imagine the hard work that you & your husband have put in over the years. Take care! Hoping that you are feeling better with each new day.

  13. I watch my parents go through the struggle you and Buttons talk of. My dad refuses to let us kids take over the farm, because of a family tragedy. So he and mom continue on. I have no idea what will happen to the farm/ranch we grew up on. There is no going back for us kids and I don't know how long they can go forward. I see what you are feeling through the eyes of your children. My thoughts are with you.

  14. Thanks for sharing with us and making yourself vulnerable. A very moving post, straight from the heart.
    Blessings to you and yours,

  15. Oh friend...facing much of the same thing here with our parents. Tough days. Feel your pain and pray things brighten up for you soon.

    Thank you for your precious comment on my 1000th post. Time sure does fly by fast and I realize more and more (and faster and faster) that I must get on with living life while I can. God is good and faithful...

    Blessings friend. Thinking of you. Hugs R

  16. Felt moved to add one more thing...

    My son and husband, although very close, are night and day on many things. Namely politics here in America. They do not see eye to eye and I sometimes feel I'm in the middle.

    Want to assure you of my prayers. Asking specifically for Him to heal you in a miraculous way.

    Love, R

  17. Beautiful, heart touching post.I am sitting here with tears in my eyes..but there is always hope of a better day! I will pray for your healing.
    Your photos are lovely...you live in a beautiful place.It is great to get to visit parts of the world I will never see in person...through blogging. Blessings on you, friend!

  18. Hi There, What an interesting post this morning... As a 70 yr. old --who has worked hard all of my life, I do worry about our country and its future. I feel as if I have 'sewed the seeds' for my sons --and the younger generation. BUT--so many in the younger generation don't seem to want to work as hard or do as much as we did to take care of ourselves and our families... There seems to be an attitude from young people today of not wanting to do what it takes to work hard and do the best they can. They somehow feel 'entitled' to the good life without having to work for it... Kinda scary to me!!!! BUT--I feel as if I have done my part, like you and Buttons have, to 'sew the seeds'... What happens in the future is out of our hands...


  19. For the man that worked to clear the land and grow crops. Who made everything as nice as he possibly could with his loving wife by his side...it may seem like a slap in the face to see it all slipping... into a style he may not fully understand. Some times I think children really do not understand the pains their own parent took in raising them...because parents wanted their kids to have it better.
    I always said.."I would never want my children to be as poor as I was, but to live one day in my shoes, yes, maybe. " xoxo, Susie

  20. Newest follower and rss subscriber here... I love your header... you live in a gorgeous place. I can understand your hesitation to take medication that has side effects... I have those kind of hard choices as well... bless you!

  21. I'm sorry to hear that you have so much pain. I don't like taking meds either. So I can certainly understand the hesitation. Sometimes there isn't much of a choice though.

    Love the pictures. Organic farming is definitely the way to go :-)

  22. Joan . . .
    I am days late on getting to my friends, reading their messages, commenting . . . so forgive my late comment back to you.

    Thank you for your thought provoking words . . . a lament of sorts. A lament I have also been enmeshed in of late . . . of feeling the loss of how things " used to be."

    "Yesterdays and used to be days" take a bunch of "letting go." I am not the best at doing so. Although the reality is . . . there has to be some letting go to reach a point of inviting the new in.

    I can't imagine two broken ankles and back surgeries too. As difficult as it must have been and as difficult as it still is you give to us with your words, photographs and musings.

    I hope you continue to stay connected, sharing your life and stories. I was at a Barnes and Noble book store yesterday and picked up an Artful Blogging magazine. The writer was reflecting on, "why do I blog?". Her answer was, she does it for herself . . . To tell her stories, to be herself, to be real. And I thought, "me too."

    Thank you for "your REAL" as well!
    Love, Lynne

  23. Dear Joan, a heart-wrenching difficult post to write I am sure, and for us to read. I first followed the link to read Buttons posts, which were equally heart felt. It is obvious that you both loved the lives you share with your mates, and that you all worked side by side to build your respective lives. It is difficult to know what advice to offer as for the disagreements in families as it seems we all have them but in different forms. I do hope and pray that both you and Buttons and your respective "heroes" will be once again be able to share joy together I. Whatever you will be doing in the future.
    Thanks so much for thinking of all those affected by Sandy on the eastern coast of the U.S. We are natives of NJ and still have family and friends living there who remain power and we are keeping in contact with them daily.

  24. Oh Joan I keep thinking of you and how my post made you think of things you did not necessarily want to. I do believe it is good to get out our feelings and not keep them bottled up inside. I admire all your husband and you have done I know how hard that it is I do think you are dealing with a lot more than I and I do hope your pain is easing. You are one tough woman and we all could learn a lot from your story. Don't worry about the men they will work it out worry about you you need to be happy. HUGS B

  25. Joan, I'm so sorry I missed this post earlier. (Blogger keeps dropping things out of my reading list and I only discover them by seeing the links on my sidebar.)

    I don't have any children, but I can imagine, a bit, the frustration of watching one's children take a path that is different from one's own. It's very difficult for you to be the one in the middle, trying to encourage both parties and keep the peace - especially when you have to deal with such painful health problems of your own.

    Regarding addictive drugs - I know it must be a terribly difficult decision, but I think that pain medication, like food, is to be received with thankfulness as part of God's provision for us, and used with care and moderation. Pain can be as debilitating as any disease. If the morphine will help you make it through your period of recovery, that is a good thing. And the fact that you're aware of its addictive properties, and are on your guard against them, is also a good thing. Perhaps you can talk to your doctor or pharmacist about how to go about tapering down when the time comes - and how to know when it's time.

    Somehow this comment isn't saying what I want it to say - but know that you are loved and held up in prayer by many blogging sisters. I do hope the pain will get better soon.

  26. I certainly sympathize and greatly understand your circumstances. I'm so sorry for your pain and inability to do what you once did. I will be praying for you and your family.

  27. I am just getting back into the swing of things after my break and missed this post. It is hard indeed to be on your end of things. I grew up a farmer's daughter and saw my father put all his blood, sweat and tears into the farm he worked. He got Parkinsons and the farm passed to my brother, his only son. My brother had no interest in farming and eventually the farm was parceled out and sold bit by bit until only 40 acres remains as his own. There were over 300 acres sold. But, life is as it is. Each generation is different. I know my mother mourned the loss of the farm that she had worked right along with my father.

    I am sorry that you are on morphine. I do believe that is one of God's helps for those in pain. There are so much controversial thoughts/ideas concerning its use but I think it works when nothing else can. If you do decide to try to come off it make sure you do it under a doctor's supervision and do it very, very slowly. Chronic pain is such a life-sucker.

    You do know that some of the sadness you feel about not being able to do what you used to do is caused by the drugs?

    I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts- Blessings- xo Diana

  28. A difficult time for you all. Seems the retreat in your newer post was wonderfully timed.

  29. I don't know quite what to say to this---just that it glads my heart for the reading, and moves the tears in for the longing for the time.

    It's like turning the pages of a Family Bible or record book, with the generations and their days and work and lives all set out in scrolling down the screen, and I so thank you for this glimpse into such a rewarding, family-and-home life you've lived. We all see our young ones grow up into whole other beings set out into the world, and we marvel at their accomplishments and the changes they make.

    Thank you from my heart for this wonderful sharing of a place I've loved long from afar, and the noble people and work and lives of the place. We are of an age, I think, you and I, and the times are different, with our abilities tapering a bit, and our memories sweeter by the day.


  30. The curse of the busy blogger is to sometimes miss the important posts that her friends release into the world. So I am late with my support, but I do know about pain and meds, even though my suffering is a fraction of yours, and yes, father's and sons. It sounds to me as if you have a family built on strong foundations and that through every kind of weather you hold fast. Even on the darkest days what a blessing that is. Hugs xxx

  31. Well, my poor friend, how hard it is, being in the middle -you trying to keep it all going and finding each side not understanding the other's point of view! However, you have obviously bought up a son who is not afraid of hard work, and although he might be doing things differently, he is still there working the family farm, when so many others might have opted out. Added to this, your constant pain from all your ops, I am not surprised that you feel a little down sometimes. But reading your blog, you do manage to keep us all interested in your efforts to carry on normally.. Being a survivor of several ops, not all wonderful, I can sympathise with your feelings... However you can manage to get out and have a walk and blow the cobwebs away and you should do that** As for seeing your mum, of course you should... and do not worry about asking favours from friends if your daughter is too busy- Your blog shows what a wonderfully strong person you are inside, and I do hope that the last few weeks of the year will bring you happiness and contentment and that you will face the New Year with bright hope and happiness... hugs from here, Janzi


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