Hope

A Rainbow....

seems to be the universal symbol of

HOPE!

That's why I chose this picture

from many that I took

from our windows last year!

We seem to have a lot of rainbows here

particularly in November.

God said that, when we saw it,

we would remember His promise to us....

So why am I showing this

of all the pictures that I could have chosen?

I was on the way to my doctor this morning

and thought

'Why am I feeling so flat....almost dead inside?'

I realised that I really didn't care about anything and

didn't want to do anything.

As a counsellor

I knew I was depressed....

....and asked myself what had happened.

I had been so positive...

and had been pushing myself 

to do some of the things I missed

Although I was in constant pain...

I was taking control of my life again.....

and it felt GOOD

So....what went wrong??

I tried to think when it had started...

and realised that 

it had been going on for about a month.

So....what happened a month ago?

It was when I saw my consultant in the local hospital.

He had not been happy that...

I had the last op in Cardiff........

and wanted to write to them to see 

what they had done.

That is all good and fair..

and very wise and reasonable

but

the hospital in Cardiff

is terrible for correspondence.

I had to write and phone so many times

to get them to write to my Dr

as they had, even, not written to him

to tell him they had operated!

That was 6 months after!!

I realised my sense of 

hopelessness and helplessness

started there!

I am just sooooo weary

and having to start all over again...

trying to get information

and then to get them to write about it correctly

feels just too much!!

I have now had over 5 years

of trying to get help

and get some sort of pain relief.

I do not like having to be on painkillers

I feel like I have lost hope!

Sorry for moaning

now you know why I have not posted 

for nearly a month.

I feel I have nothing to say

I have followed others' blogs

and I can see that they are going through things that are far worse than my problems

 and are, even, life threatening

so I really have nothing to complain about

But

this is me....

I know that I have to 

'pull myself together and get on with it'!!

I don't know now 

when the information will come through....

or

when, if ever, they will decide to operate.

So.... for the moment

I have lost hope.

I know that I will recoup

but...just at this moment...life feels...

pointless.

Sorry about this miserable post

but I've read often enough

where people are urged to be open 

and be themselves.

I know I will come about so please don't 

stop following me....or...

give up on me...

please give me time....

Hence the rainbow....

symbol of hope...

of a new start..

Comforting?!

A couple of weeks ago....

I asked the question..

"Where do you go

when you need to unwind?"

So many of you

shared your special ways and places.

Thank you!

I wanted to share with you

another of my 'winding down' places

The deep water estuary

of Milford Haven

has been used over the centuries

for many enterprises

The 3 o'clock ferry

to Ireland

goes all steam ahead

The deep dry docks

where boats come in for overhaul and repairs

are behind me as I look across

the estuary.

Doesn't that yacht look small against the ferry?

Behind me too is 

the Marina and a lot of

shops under the colonnade

and also

a few cafes!

Now, shall we have a hot chocolate

like this lady?

Oh, it does look scrummy...

with its whipped cream..

and marshmallows..

No...

I suppose a cup of tea

will be less fattening and..

more refreshing!

Young people are in the marina 

practicing rowing

It was time 

for a little walk around the marina 

before going home

An old winch

In the dry dock!

Working boats

Below is the Fishery Patrol boat

Milford Haven 

is a very special place

for me.

When I am there I just relax

and let go....

I feel so 'held' there.

Why?

Well my mother was born there....

and I spent many happy hours

on holiday

and spending time 

with my grandparents

and my aunt and uncle.

When I was young,

my parents lived in the Midlands

and I suffered terribly with asthma.

It was felt that the sea air might help 

so off I went

to stay in Milford 

and go to school there for a while!

In those days

this area was all docks....

and to many fishing boats...

this was their home.

What a busy place it was then 

with the fishmarket,

the ice factory,

and all the rest of the things necessary 

for a thriving Fishing port!

I spent so much time here with my grandfather

who was an electrician on the docks.

In fact it was always said by the locals that he..

'lit up the docks'!!

as he installed the electric lighting!

I remember one day

my younger brother was fishing off the end of the pier for tiddlers 

and caught nothing.

Grandad took him into the fishmarket 

and bought a couple of fish.

My brother took them home... 

and told granny that he had caught them!

I don't know whether.... 

or not... 

she believed him 

as they were plaice 

(which can only be caught a long way from here)

anyway she was very convincing in her praise!!

In the records in this museum

it mentions about Grandad

and the lighting

My mother was a wren in the war

and the building she worked in 

as a communications officer

still stands on the docks.

It's used by the fisheries now.

When Mum comes to stay 

this is one of the places we visit

so many memories..

memories of drilling, 

with the other wrens from the wrennery, 

along the Rath...

memories of walking home in the pitch black after a duty and feeling rather frightened...

So many memories!!

This is Mum

outside her office

with her immediate superior.

Mum met my father when his ship

came into Milford with a big hole in the side!

He was on destroyers

and then submarines....

They were married here in Milford....

and Mum stayed with her parents 

until Dad 

came home from the war

So Milford settles and comforts me

when I feel rather

out of kilter.

Somehow I feel held and embraced!

This week 

I'm joining


The Tablescaper for....... Seasonal Sundays

Discovered Treasure

I came upon this old blanket box

It is a treasure in itself!

I believe that it's about C18th or earlier.

People padlocked

what was treasure to them....

the word of God

so that nothing could happen to the Bibles

that were very hard to obtain

and even harder to read (for some people!)

What was in it..

I mused!

Like to explore with me

and see??!

Can I see a hint of gold there?

I don't know.....

Yes ...there's definitely gold there...

but 

not golden sovereigns, I fear!

Shall we unpack it?

What do you think?

Interesting??

Lets have a look here...

yes...I remember

I bought this china years ago....

I used  to use it 

when I had people coming for coffee.

Coffee mornings...

do you remember those?

Do they even still have them?

Apart for the annual fund raising coffee morning

in aid of the MacMillan Nurses

Please remember to support the coffee morning

 this September 27th!!

and there's more!

I think I've had enough

and will leave the rest for another day

that's if you would like to see what else is there?

I thought you'd like to see

the jewellery

that my daughter brought me last week

She is a silversmith

with her own hallmark

I loved the ring as soon as I saw it!

It's silver with 9ct gold balls

I have started

knitting a shawl

I've never made one before

I think I've already made a couple of mistakes...

I kept falling asleep over it last night...

I shall soldier on

I don't think that there's much point in starting again because I'll probably make more!!

Thank you so much to all who shared last week

about where they went when they needed to 'settle'

I love to hear what others do

and sometimes

try some of their ideas too!

I finished the last Mandala

I do love the muted colours of the Drops cotton!

Debra at Common Ground
has a 4th Anniversary Giveaway
why not pay her a visit....

This week I'm visiting

Inspire Me Tuesday

and

Tweak it Tuesday

and

Be Inspired ...where there's a 4th Annioversary Giveaway

and

Show and Tell Friday