coming to terms.....?!

I've been wandering 

around my garden these last few sunny days

and

wanted to share some of my discoveries

with you!

My garden was my pride and joy!

I planted 

every tree and flower

and enjoyed watching them grow and mature

Unfortunately

I have been able to do so little 

over these last few years

and shrubs etc

have become very overgrown

I find that pottering in the garden

and watching the plants grow is just so satisfying

and healing!!

Doesn't this Magnolia Stellata

look so beautiful against the blue of the sky?

I find that, somehow,

It touches something deep within and brings

such pleasure and joy

my spirit feels released......

I used to feel this years ago when

I walked down the fields to the little brook

and heard the chuckle of the water 

as it swirled around and over

the little stones in its path!

It brought such peace as I took time to sit on a stone

and listen to the sounds of

the stream and the birds.....

I remember when Hubbie and I 

decided to get some of the boulders from the stream

to put in the garden....

I remember the laughter and joy....

the fun as he said "Oh dear" 

as he 'accidently'

dropped the stone he was carrying...

just beside me

so that the water splashed over and soaked me.....

Of course I had to retaliate....!!

The years have flown...

the children have grown up and 

have their own families

and sometimes

life can feel all work and no fun...

especially on the farm

with the chores and forms that seem to be

continually arriving

from the government....

and especially with ill health 

and the narrowing

of the areas that I am able to cover!

I have found

in this small area of garden 

that I am now able

to plant and maintain.....

such joy ...

as I buy and plant ....

and watch them grow.....

enjoy sitting in the sun ....and listening to the birds!

I suppose that

what I am trying, in a very muddled way, to say

is that

I have come (am coming) to terms 

with the fact that my area of responsibility

has grown so much smaller..

both through our retirement from the farm...

even though we still live on it

and are involved in some of the things happening

(as well as the government forms)!

....also through my physical problems.

Memories of the things we did together

during our farming days

are sweet

and some are hard and painful

I find it good to look back and remember

so many days 

of fun...and also tears...

BUT NOW.....!!

As my life has changed...

so has the garden..

some areas I can free from the weeds and bushes

that have overgrown and threatened to

choke the good things..

I love this Magnolia

but

there was another white one beside it

that was choked by it

and a rambling rose and brambles

just over powered it

So we moved the white one

and cut back the briars

and there...can you see her??

Hiding behind the flowers....??

I think that what I'm trying to say is..

that, in trying to come to terms

with the reduction

in my areas

of responsibility and ability

I have needed to change things...perhaps

get rid of them

some of these are good things...

some of them may be bad...

In all that has happened over these last years

I have felt very confused 

about who I am now and what I can do...

I suppose, in a way,

I have lost my identity.....?!!

I am beginning to discover the me

that has been overwhelmed..

and become hidden

from all

except those who can see beyond the briars

and are brave enough

to come closer....!