Wednesday, 8 May 2013

coming to terms.....?!

I've been wandering 
around my garden these last few sunny days
wanted to share some of my discoveries
with you!

My garden was my pride and joy!
I planted 
every tree and flower
and enjoyed watching them grow and mature

I have been able to do so little 
over these last few years
and shrubs etc
have become very overgrown

I find that pottering in the garden
and watching the plants grow is just so satisfying
and healing!!

Doesn't this Magnolia Stellata
look so beautiful against the blue of the sky?
I find that, somehow,
It touches something deep within and brings
such pleasure and joy
my spirit feels released......

I used to feel this years ago when
I walked down the fields to the little brook
and heard the chuckle of the water 
as it swirled around and over
the little stones in its path!
It brought such peace as I took time to sit on a stone
and listen to the sounds of
the stream and the birds.....

I remember when Hubbie and I 
decided to get some of the boulders from the stream
to put in the garden....
I remember the laughter and joy....
the fun as he said "Oh dear" 
as he 'accidently'
dropped the stone he was carrying...
just beside me
so that the water splashed over and soaked me.....
Of course I had to retaliate....!!

The years have flown...
the children have grown up and 
have their own families

and sometimes
life can feel all work and no fun...
especially on the farm
with the chores and forms that seem to be
continually arriving
from the government....

and especially with ill health 
and the narrowing
of the areas that I am able to cover!

I have found
in this small area of garden 
that I am now able
to plant and maintain.....

such joy ...
as I buy and plant ....
and watch them grow.....
enjoy sitting in the sun ....and listening to the birds!

I suppose that
what I am trying, in a very muddled way, to say
is that
I have come (am coming) to terms 
with the fact that my area of responsibility
has grown so much smaller..

both through our retirement from the farm...
even though we still live on it
and are involved in some of the things happening
(as well as the government forms)!

....also through my physical problems.

Memories of the things we did together
during our farming days
are sweet
and some are hard and painful

I find it good to look back and remember
so many days 
of fun...and also tears...

BUT NOW.....!!

As my life has changed...
so has the garden..
some areas I can free from the weeds and bushes
that have overgrown and threatened to
choke the good things..

I love this Magnolia
there was another white one beside it
that was choked by it
and a rambling rose and brambles
just over powered it

So we moved the white one
and cut back the briars

and there...can you see her??

Hiding behind the flowers....??

I think that what I'm trying to say is..
that, in trying to come to terms
with the reduction
in my areas
of responsibility and ability

I have needed to change things...perhaps
get rid of them
some of these are good things...
some of them may be bad...

In all that has happened over these last years
I have felt very confused 
about who I am now and what I can do...
I suppose, in a way,
I have lost my identity.....?!!

I am beginning to discover the me
that has been overwhelmed..
and become hidden
from all
except those who can see beyond the briars
and are brave enough
to come closer....!


  1. Wonderful post Joan! I know what it is to deal with ill health. I feel a kinship with you. It does make us appreciate the true beauty in life. Your garden is beautiful!

  2. gorgeous views. i love those blooms. thanks, for sharing. i love them so.

    enjoy your week. big big hugs. ( :

  3. Sweet Joan! It is so frustrating when you feel unable to do the things you wish to do, but there are still many more things that you are able to do. I'd focus all my energy on appreciating what I am able to do and try to ignore the rest - even if it is under your nose most of the time! Enjoy your lovely garden. It is truly beautiful, as is your spirit. xox

  4. Beautiful blooms! I can't even imagine your frustration Joan!
    Big Hugs,

  5. What a great post..Your garden is beautiful! Sometimes life can seem very tough.
    My Husband is unable to get out side and work any more..he used to have a huge garden and was able to work in the yard, and everything was always "spic and span"..Some outside work I can do and some I can't. Just getting older has slowed me down a lot! I enjoy your blog, and all the lovely scenery. Blessings on you and yours.

  6. Joan, your words are so eloquent, so full of meaning. I love your will to fight through your illness and to fight to regain your place in this world, even if that place has changed a bit. You are an inspiration to all of us. I thank you for making us think and for making us try to appreciate where we are in this moment of our lives.
    Sending you a hug,

  7. Sending you love and blessing you for sharing today.

  8. Hello Joan as I read your post I thought this could be me writing. Ill health has meant I cannot do the things I could. I love my garden but have to give DG instructions on what are weeds/plants. He has to do most things in the garden as well as some chores in the house. Sometimes I just cry with frustration. I also had a responsible job but after 30 years had to retire early due to ill health. At times I feel invisible & also that some people inc family don t understand. I try and do as much as I can. Am learning to accept what I can t & that I can t please all the people all the time. Will be thinking of you. Anne x

  9. You continue to be who you've always been, even when your ability to express the real you changes, due to illness, or just the changing times. The important parts are still there, even if you have to weed out the other stuff, so it doesn't choke you out.


  10. Oh boy Joan you have me crying because I truly understand this and you know that to be true. I think there comes a time where we all have to deal with what life has given us and grasp hold of those memories and savour everyone of them good or bad they have gotten us to who we are now. In saying that we must move forward and do what we can to make and keep ourselves happy with ourselves not everyone else and let go of the person we thought we were and embrace the person we are now or will become.
    Cutting the brambles we will see we are still the same person but finding a new path and that is better for all concerned.
    I have no idea if this makes any sense you know me I just say what I think.
    You my dear will always be that beautiful flower to everyone around you whether you know that or not regardless of what you think. There are no brambles surrounding you. HUGS Joan I need to go blow my nose:) B

  11. Beautiful pictures from your garden, Joan. This is a very good post describing the adjustment you are having to make. Blessings and hugs to you, Joan, as you continue to be yourself.

  12. Written from the heart... and landed in my heart. Just where these words needed to be.
    many thanks, many prayers for your continued inspiration.

  13. I like to say that when God closes one door, He opens another. Like you, I have many memories of great fun times with my husband, and there are four or five things that happened to us that marked the beginning of yet another phase in our lives. But we still have each other, and to me, that is all that matters. Your garden is beautiful!!!! I have never been able to garden because of my knees, but I can look and enjoy. What are the sweet little blue flowers?

  14. What a lovely post! I am glad you are coming out from the brambles a bit, that's kind of how I feel too. I love the magnolia trees and I wish the wind didn't have to blow so that we could keep their beauty for longer. What part of Pembrokeshire are you in? We have family in Newport and a lot of my scrapbook layouts are based there. I always feel so content there.

  15. What a precious and meaningful post written from your heart. You blessed me with your words and your pictures - thank you, dear friend! You have quite the green thumb :)

    Love and hugs to you!

  16. It takes wisdom to know when to prune, when to uproot, when to re-plant, and when to accept the inevitable changes and limitations that come as time passes. Dear Joan, thank you for sharing your wisdom with us in this lovely post. Your gardening scope may be shrinking, but think what a lot of beauty can be found in small things and small spaces!

    Those magnolias are so beautiful.

  17. Dear Joan . . .
    Scrolling through posts this morning, realizing I was days behind and couldn't possibly catch up and comment to everyone, I came across your reflecting . . . Choosing to comment to you because I identify with your thoughts and feelings.

    It is the identifity part that pulled me into you . . . As change has come to you because of injury, surgery and time . . . for me it has occurred with injury in small part but more with agility and aging. As you have created beauty in your gardens, surrounded yourself with flower, tree, water and respite . . . I too have done much the same. I find "me" in the "doing and creating" in my spaces and windows in my gardens. Each flower, tree, space tells its own story. I imagine something very similar for you . . .

    And now, the memories are still there but I can't keep up with the "caring for" the creation. A new "another" is taking place in "letting go" of what was so I am able to say "hello" to the new. Bitter sweet . . .

    I find I am talking more about me without empathy for you . . . Your words were ones I needed to hear today . . . and I am reminded of the beauty of "pen pals through blogging.". How hungry we each are to share our own story as we become centered within another . . .

    Blessings on your new journey . . . I am thanking you . . .
    Love, Lynne

  18. What a lovely and well written post. I am sorry to hear you have been struggling but also happy to hear you are finding a way through it all. Change is never easy in any form. Your garden is beautiful and your magnolia tree is stunning such a pretty blossom.
    Many thanks for your comment on my post. Remember you said about dancer's focussing on a spot when turning - I would be afraid to do that I would most definately have fallen down those stairs, lol.
    Take care!!

  19. Hi Joan, just wanted to check in on you.. i sure also can relate... my husband passed at 50 yrs old almost 2 years ago and my children are on there own.. i have this big house and garden and trying to figure what im suppose to do next... boy things change over the years dont they? im thankful for memories.. and for now will do what i can each day... thinking of you and love your beautiful garden pictures! enjoy your day Joan!

  20. I agree with the others Joan, this was a beautiful post. Thank heaven that you have your happy memories of years gone past, and the fun that you shared with hubby. Things change so much over the years, don't they, and we have to adapt to those changes. Then ill health comes along and things can get very dreary. I am glad that you are beginning to discover the you that has been overwhelmed thus far. I guess we really do have so much to be grateful for in our lives, and must always try to look for the positives, which I'm sure you are doing. Take care.

  21. So very touching, Joan! We do go through different stages of life and learn to come to terms with the changes and limitations. I do believe that is called 'Grace' and you are an example of Grace in Action. Such an inspiration to us all. I am so happy that you have your sweet little garden - sometimes it is better to narrow our focus and we can appreciate all the little things life has to offer. I have found over the years that I have done much the same and there is peace....Thank you for sharing! Hugs, xoxo

  22. Joan, I had huge groups of co-workers and lots of friends and plenty of places to all changed as I retired. I find myself being more and more alone. Some times it's okay , but other times, it's so very lonely. So I write to my sisters and do my helps me. I like when it's a bit warmer and then I can plant more flowers. Stay strong dear Joan. xoxo,Susie

  23. Aww, bless your heart Joan. Getting old is the pits at times. With my back and hip issues, I do what I can do, rest, then try again. It's difficult to let things go, but a necessary thing to do.

    Your garden is lovely. xo

  24. We have had to make the same adjustments. However, when we look around us, we realize that we are very blessed compared to some. May God richly bless you this Mother's day.

  25. No matter what the circumstance, everything certainly does change with time. But even if you can't take care of the entire property, you can still get out there and have a small area to plant and tend to. Change is hard, but acceptance makes it easier. Blessings to you and yours, Tammy

  26. Happy Mother's day Joan. Thank you for your inspiring and thought provoking post. Praying you will discover the 'new' you as the summer goes on and you are able to spend time in your garden and see the beauty of creation.


  27. Your post has hit home for many of us, it seems, Joan...certainly for me. While my circumstances are not exactly the same as yours, some of your issues are the same in this season of my life.
    Perhaps a part of why we are here and now typing to each other is to realize the common threads we share in life and to encourage each other in weaving those threads into beautiful new patterns that will celebrate and help us to more deeply appreciate life.
    Thanks for posting your beautiful and interesting photos! The badger in your backyard, the colorful bird, and your lovely flowers....are all....amazing :-)
    Blessings to you and yours,

  28. Your magnolia looks wonderful!

    Nina x

  29. This is my firts time visiting you here. I love your yard. S many beautiful flowers. Am while it's hard to live with restrictions there is also beauty in being able to focus on the smaller things and taking some time to pay attention and enjoy little things we didn't before ( bcz we were in a hurry). Thanks for visiting me and I'll be coming back to visit ou soon again :)

  30. Wow Joan...many of us could have written these feelings! When our families are grown, and health issues take over, or fiancial changes and we change...but you know...our heart stays the same..esp for those we love so dearly! My cousin is going through this...and trying to re-find herself. God's blessings are always new every day! ♥♥♥

  31. Beautiful, beautiful magnolias.

    I think change we didn't seek can be the hardest thing to adjust to, but with time we get there :)

  32. Joan, thank you for this beautiful and honest post. I feel much the same way trying to decide my path. Things are certainly changing and I am lamenting over the life I used to live. I need to be grateful for the things I do have in my life right now and for my health.

  33. Joan, a very moving post as others have said. As we age, it seems we do tend to reflect more on our past achievements and our ability to have done them and perhaps no longer can. We look back on our 10 year owning this big house and are amazed at all the work we have done, but no longer feel up to doing, some due to physical limitations. You have done a lot and change is inevitable and the way we handle those changes is important too and not becoming bitter at what we can no longer do is important. You seem to be overcoming and moving on, Joan. Please always feel free to share your achievements and concerns with blog friends as we will always be around to cheer you on and listen and care.


Thanks so much for commenting on my blog. I look forward to reading your thoughts and ideas!