I've been wandering
around my garden these last few sunny days
wanted to share some of my discoveries
My garden was my pride and joy!
every tree and flower
and enjoyed watching them grow and mature
I have been able to do so little
over these last few years
and shrubs etc
have become very overgrown
I find that pottering in the garden
and watching the plants grow is just so satisfying
Doesn't this Magnolia Stellata
look so beautiful against the blue of the sky?
I find that, somehow,
It touches something deep within and brings
such pleasure and joy
my spirit feels released......
I used to feel this years ago when
I walked down the fields to the little brook
and heard the chuckle of the water
as it swirled around and over
the little stones in its path!
It brought such peace as I took time to sit on a stone
and listen to the sounds of
the stream and the birds.....
I remember when Hubbie and I
decided to get some of the boulders from the stream
to put in the garden....
I remember the laughter and joy....
the fun as he said "Oh dear"
as he 'accidently'
dropped the stone he was carrying...
just beside me
so that the water splashed over and soaked me.....
Of course I had to retaliate....!!
The years have flown...
the children have grown up and
have their own families
life can feel all work and no fun...
especially on the farm
with the chores and forms that seem to be
from the government....
and especially with ill health
and the narrowing
of the areas that I am able to cover!
I have found
in this small area of garden
that I am now able
to plant and maintain.....
such joy ...
as I buy and plant ....
and watch them grow.....
enjoy sitting in the sun ....and listening to the birds!
I suppose that
what I am trying, in a very muddled way, to say
I have come (am coming) to terms
with the fact that my area of responsibility
has grown so much smaller..
both through our retirement from the farm...
even though we still live on it
and are involved in some of the things happening
(as well as the government forms)!
....also through my physical problems.
Memories of the things we did together
during our farming days
and some are hard and painful
I find it good to look back and remember
so many days
of fun...and also tears...
As my life has changed...
so has the garden..
some areas I can free from the weeds and bushes
that have overgrown and threatened to
choke the good things..
I love this Magnolia
there was another white one beside it
that was choked by it
and a rambling rose and brambles
just over powered it
So we moved the white one
and cut back the briars
and there...can you see her??
Hiding behind the flowers....??
I think that what I'm trying to say is..
that, in trying to come to terms
with the reduction
in my areas
of responsibility and ability
I have needed to change things...perhaps
get rid of them
some of these are good things...
some of them may be bad...
In all that has happened over these last years
I have felt very confused
about who I am now and what I can do...
I suppose, in a way,
I have lost my identity.....?!!
I am beginning to discover the me
that has been overwhelmed..
and become hidden
except those who can see beyond the briars
and are brave enough
to come closer....!