Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Sooooo Long!!

My dear blogging friends
It has been so long
and I feel ashamed that I haven't replied
to so many lovely comments
and emails!
Thanks you all so much!

I wasn't allowed to drive for sometime
and so kind friends took me 
out for drives

This one is over the Preseli Hills
with the 2 reservoirs in the background

I had hoped to have made more progress by now.
The pain in my back is easier
and I can feel my feet 
(though this is sometimes very painful).
I am still on crutches
and cannot walk without them.
I asked why this was worse than before the op
so they decided to do an Xray
of my left hip...
low and behold...
it is bone on bone and growing spurs
The right one is, apparently, text book OK!!

When I look at the quarries above
or the little cottage
in the moors..
when I think of how hard life must have been
for those working there...
I think, "What have I to whinge about"

The fact still remains....
I am still in a lot of pain and on strong painkillers
I need another operation!
So I am going back to Cardiff 
for a total hip replacement 
on 30th April

Tomorrow I have to go there
for a 2 hour pre-op assessment....

I have been rather down.
Although I know that hip replacements are routine and very successful now...
It's the thought 
of the immediate post-op pain
and the pain when you have to start mobilising.

I know some of you have been through so much worse but it's only a few months since my last major op and sometimes I think that I just don't have the energy for this all over again.

Plus over these last 6 years I have had been in plaster 3 times (2 of these ops.1 of those a fusion) on my left ankle;
2 times on my right (1 was an op.);
2 back operations
and now...this!!

Every time...
I was told...
"This will be it...after this all will be well...."

I thought I'd be up and able to walk our lovely coast path and do things with my mother and grandchildren without having to take handfuls of painkillers and sit down every few steps...

I'm fed up of putting a brave face on so that people will want to be in my presence.
I'm fed up of people laughing at things that I have to do for day to day living..
like carrying things up and downstairs 
(which I do as seldom as possible as it's so painful) 
in a backpack.  
I laugh with them laughing at me
but inside I'm bleeding!!

In the Drs the other day I was in tears and was told "Never mind.  Use your black humour.  You'll get by"

Now you see, my friends, why I haven't blogged in so long....
I've probably already driven away
the few of your who have been kind enough to write!!

I do hope that you can understand 
why I haven't blogged.
Life has just been too painful
and upsetting
and I can no longer put on a mask
and joke about it!

It was a lovely day Easter Sat
so I persuaded a friend to come to one of my favourite places...
Picton Castle.
In a wild patch of garden the Fritillaria 
were looking gorgeous

Aren't they gorgeous?

Round the corner we came upon.....

Aren't they incredible?

My friend was totally

They are made from sculptured willow.

Just look at the hands!

Aren't they....?
I've run out of superlative adjectives!!

It was a lovely..
and surprising....afternoon!

And ...then...
I arrived home to find
an Easter arrangement from a friend

Isn't this a cute arrangement?
I am so fortunate in all my friends...
and I include you all in this.
Thanks you so much for your care and concern!

Do you see who I see 
lurking amongst the flowers....

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

I Wonder.......!!

This morning
I was looking at my son's cattle
busily grazing in the field behind our house
and I wondered....

What do they think about whilst they are eating??

"Just a little more grass"....?!!

I remember
a good friend.....a minister's wife
who led a very gifted ministry.
She used to jog for miles most days.....
Somebody asked her did she pray whilst she jogged.?
Did she have deep and meaningfull thoughts?
(others expectations of us ..as well as 
our own about ourselves??)

She said "No.....
...I think.....I'll just try and make it 
as far as the next lamppost!"

That was unexpected!!

I enjoyed my year , last year......

Seeing things from a different angle.....

This is the ferry
starting it's journey to Ireland....

Then this bridge leads to further delights
around the corner

I accomplished so many things
from my wish list...

It did mean pushing myself..
and taking extra painkillers......
and resting for the next few days.....

But....I felt so fulfilled
and satisfied at just having accomplished it.
After operating
my consultant said that my nerves
were so badly crushed
that he wondered how I had managed to do all I did!

So did I!!

What I know is that....for me...
at that time....the best thing was....
accomplishing something
after years of operations and resting.

I wonder if we would act differently....
not put off to another day
the things we would really like to do/see.....
repair broken relationships...
whatever is bubbling away at the back of our minds...
just needing to be done...someday...
after I've done....

This was Newgale last summer.....

I wonder if....
the pub owners ever thought......??

and this is it last week...
after the floods had subsided a little.....
The shingle bank
has been thrown onto the road 
so that you can't see where it is.....
....and the pub was much more submerged 
by the flood waters

People walk along the new bank
where the road once was..
Diggers work to restore it....

Can you see the edge of the road??

Roll on summer!
So I can, once again, visit favourite spots!

Last week I was told
that I was still to take it very easy...
to continue as I was told to do straight after the op...
to stay on crutches...
not bend, stretch, twist....etc
so that the bone grafts
and rods they have put in...
will take and heal.

I wonder why...
we women have to have permission.....
to stop and rest
Before my appointment last week...
I had been thinking that I should be 
trying to do more...
..that it was 'time' for me...
to pick up the reigns of the house, meals etc...

It was such a relief to be told by a professional...
to stop and rest for sometime yet..

I am so grateful
for all that I am learning....
especially over these last few years of,
mainly, inactivity.

I'm so grateful, also,
for all the encouraging comments from you...
my blogging friends

I still....Wonder Why....

What about you??!!

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Home from Hospital!

And ....no
I don't look like her!!
Even though I am a farm girl

I came home from hospital
a couple of weeks ago.

....and I don't look like her either!!

It was a much bigger op
than they had intended
so I had to stay in longer

and since then have been 
heavily dosed with pain killers
so that I haven't felt like,
or been able to do,
very much

I am beginning to feel
a little brighter
and so wanted to thank all who sent cards
and good wishes for my recovery

I am told
that I have to stay heavily medicated
for a long time,
and that the nerves that were so badly crushed
will take a long time to regenerate
and cause a lot of pain,
and other strange feelings,
but that it will all be worth it!!

A few days after I came home from hospital
I had a phone call from a paramedic saying 
my mother had fallen in town
and was being taken to hospital.

She has fractured
her right wrist
and is badly bruised and has wrenched muscles
in her left side
Bless her heart she doesn't need this
as she is 93!
You may have read a couple of her guest posts

I find it very hard
as she lives 200 miles away
and I long to be able to go and help her
but there's nothing I can do!

Life's hard....isn't it!?

My daughter and family
came on Saturday
and took the Christmas tree and decorations
down from the attic

and yesterday
a friend came and put decorations
on these twigs
so I thought that I would show you

a few of the things
that I have collected over the years

Thank you all so much for your kind words
and support.

May you all have a Blessed Christmas
and a Happy and Healthy
New Year!

Do you think
I might look like her??


Sunday, 17 November 2013

It's been a long time

My dear blogging friends.
It's been a long time, I know.
I'm so sorry that I haven't been in touch
without long explanations,
I know you understand.

My son and family
invited me to stay in Scotland 
with them at the end of October..
the Doctor had said 
I needed a holiday...

and we spent the week
in the Trossachs
This is Lachlan Castle
first seen in the distance and then
getting closer

Such a pretty place to stay
if you can afford it!
We couldn't!!!
So we went to a nearby tearoom...

...drank wonderful hot chocolate,
were persuaded to have the most delicious scones - (almost(but not quite) as good as my mother's) -  straight from the oven and covered with strawberry jam and whipped cream

and sat and looked out at Old Castle Lachlan

The weather was really bad when we were there,
so any small ray of sunshine
had the cameras out!

I am sure that you can see 
the difference in the photos?!?

However, no matter what the weather,
the welcome 
in the little
was always friendly and warm!

I did take more photos
but won't put them all on today.
I wanted to show you a couple of things
that I have made

I finished the Capo-Ktus shawl
The pattern can be downloaded from Ravelry

It is the most glorious yarn
with a lovely sheen
and just slips through your fingers as you work.
Handmaiden - Sea-silk.
It was very expensive but so worth it!
I bought it with

I  also knitted
Lisa's Wrap

I had made one for my daughter in law in the summer and Mum loved it..
 so she chose the yarn
yes another Noro Kogarashi!

and I've just finished 
a baby blanket

The colours haven't come out too well on this photo
They really are a lot lighter!

So....I haven't made much really...
I have started a few things and then not been happy and so pulled them out!

It's been a strange couple of months...
thank you all so much
for writing
and even one friend sent a card!
I do so appreciate
the love and support that you have all shown..
sorry I haven't written back

It somehow feels 
as if time is in slow motion 
and everything takes so long to accomplish 
that I often don't even start!!
The result is that I seem to have got 
very little accomplished!

I've been in quite a lot of pain
(even with all the meds)
and it feels as if the op last September (2012)
hasn't had much effect.

I am going to Cardiff
(100 miles away)
for a major back op
on 26th of this month!

At the moment I am trying to get everything ready
both for being in hospital for a week
but also..
for when I come out...
...especially with Christmas looming!

I so hope that this will do the trick
and that I will be out of pain and able to walk and get about more easily!

I am so sorry that I haven't visited any of you recently.
I just don't seem to have the energy.
It doesn't mean that 
I haven't thought and spoken of you all a lot!
Hopefully I will get to see some of you soon...
I might even be able to visit
if the hospital has Wifi.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my friends in the USA

I'll show you 
just one more of the ruined castles we discovered