Wednesday, 15 January 2014

I Wonder.......!!






This morning
I was looking at my son's cattle
busily grazing in the field behind our house
and I wondered....

What do they think about whilst they are eating??

"Just a little more grass"....?!!



I remember
a good friend.....a minister's wife
who led a very gifted ministry.
She used to jog for miles most days.....
Somebody asked her did she pray whilst she jogged.?
Did she have deep and meaningfull thoughts?
(others expectations of us ..as well as 
our own about ourselves??)

She said "No.....
...I think.....I'll just try and make it 
as far as the next lamppost!"

That was unexpected!!




I enjoyed my year , last year......




Seeing things from a different angle.....

This is the ferry
starting it's journey to Ireland....


Then this bridge leads to further delights
around the corner



I accomplished so many things
from my wish list...



Ok
It did mean pushing myself..
and taking extra painkillers......
and resting for the next few days.....



But....I felt so fulfilled
and satisfied at just having accomplished it.
........
After operating
my consultant said that my nerves
were so badly crushed
that he wondered how I had managed to do all I did!

So did I!!

What I know is that....for me...
at that time....the best thing was....
accomplishing something
after years of operations and resting.

I wonder if we would act differently....
not put off to another day
the things we would really like to do/see.....
repair broken relationships...
whatever is bubbling away at the back of our minds...
just needing to be done...someday...
after I've done....




This was Newgale last summer.....

I wonder if....
the pub owners ever thought......??




and this is it last week...
after the floods had subsided a little.....
The shingle bank
has been thrown onto the road 
so that you can't see where it is.....
....and the pub was much more submerged 
by the flood waters




People walk along the new bank
where the road once was..
whilst...
Diggers work to restore it....




Can you see the edge of the road??





Roll on summer!
So I can, once again, visit favourite spots!


Last week I was told
that I was still to take it very easy...
to continue as I was told to do straight after the op...
to stay on crutches...
not bend, stretch, twist....etc
so that the bone grafts
and rods they have put in...
will take and heal.

I wonder why...
we women have to have permission.....
to stop and rest
Before my appointment last week...
I had been thinking that I should be 
trying to do more...
..that it was 'time' for me...
to pick up the reigns of the house, meals etc...

It was such a relief to be told by a professional...
to stop and rest for sometime yet..

I am so grateful
for all that I am learning....
especially over these last few years of,
mainly, inactivity.

I'm so grateful, also,
for all the encouraging comments from you...
my blogging friends




I still....Wonder Why....

What about you??!!





Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Home from Hospital!






And ....no
I don't look like her!!
Even though I am a farm girl




I came home from hospital
a couple of weeks ago.




....and I don't look like her either!!




It was a much bigger op
than they had intended
so I had to stay in longer




and since then have been 
heavily dosed with pain killers
so that I haven't felt like,
or been able to do,
very much




However
I am beginning to feel
a little brighter
and so wanted to thank all who sent cards
and good wishes for my recovery




I am told
that I have to stay heavily medicated
for a long time,
and that the nerves that were so badly crushed
will take a long time to regenerate
and cause a lot of pain,
and other strange feelings,
but that it will all be worth it!!




A few days after I came home from hospital
I had a phone call from a paramedic saying 
my mother had fallen in town
and was being taken to hospital.

She has fractured
her right wrist
and is badly bruised and has wrenched muscles
in her left side
Bless her heart she doesn't need this
as she is 93!
You may have read a couple of her guest posts





I find it very hard
as she lives 200 miles away
and I long to be able to go and help her
but there's nothing I can do!

Life's hard....isn't it!?




My daughter and family
came on Saturday
and took the Christmas tree and decorations
down from the attic




and yesterday
a friend came and put decorations
on these twigs
so I thought that I would show you




a few of the things
that I have collected over the years




Thank you all so much for your kind words
and support.

May you all have a Blessed Christmas
and a Happy and Healthy
New Year!




Do you think
I might look like her??


HAPPY CHRISTMAS
TO YOU ALL!!





Sunday, 17 November 2013

It's been a long time





My dear blogging friends.
It's been a long time, I know.
I'm so sorry that I haven't been in touch
but,
without long explanations,
I know you understand.



My son and family
invited me to stay in Scotland 
with them at the end of October..
the Doctor had said 
I needed a holiday...



and we spent the week
in the Trossachs
This is Lachlan Castle
first seen in the distance and then
getting closer



Such a pretty place to stay
if you can afford it!
We couldn't!!!
So we went to a nearby tearoom...



...drank wonderful hot chocolate,
were persuaded to have the most delicious scones - (almost(but not quite) as good as my mother's) -  straight from the oven and covered with strawberry jam and whipped cream


and sat and looked out at Old Castle Lachlan



The weather was really bad when we were there,
so any small ray of sunshine
had the cameras out!




I am sure that you can see 
the difference in the photos?!?




However, no matter what the weather,
the welcome 
in the little
tearoom
was always friendly and warm!




I did take more photos
but won't put them all on today.
I wanted to show you a couple of things
that I have made




I finished the Capo-Ktus shawl
The pattern can be downloaded from Ravelry



It is the most glorious yarn
with a lovely sheen
and just slips through your fingers as you work.
Handmaiden - Sea-silk.
It was very expensive but so worth it!
I bought it with




I  also knitted
another 
Lisa's Wrap

I had made one for my daughter in law in the summer and Mum loved it..
 so she chose the yarn
yes another Noro Kogarashi!

and I've just finished 
a baby blanket



The colours haven't come out too well on this photo
They really are a lot lighter!

So....I haven't made much really...
I have started a few things and then not been happy and so pulled them out!

It's been a strange couple of months...
thank you all so much
for writing
and even one friend sent a card!
I do so appreciate
the love and support that you have all shown..
sorry I haven't written back

It somehow feels 
as if time is in slow motion 
and everything takes so long to accomplish 
that I often don't even start!!
The result is that I seem to have got 
very little accomplished!

I've been in quite a lot of pain
(even with all the meds)
and it feels as if the op last September (2012)
hasn't had much effect.

However....
I am going to Cardiff
(100 miles away)
for a major back op
on 26th of this month!

At the moment I am trying to get everything ready
both for being in hospital for a week
but also..
for when I come out...
...especially with Christmas looming!

I so hope that this will do the trick
and that I will be out of pain and able to walk and get about more easily!

I am so sorry that I haven't visited any of you recently.
I just don't seem to have the energy.
It doesn't mean that 
I haven't thought and spoken of you all a lot!
Hopefully I will get to see some of you soon...
I might even be able to visit
if the hospital has Wifi.


Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my friends in the USA

I'll show you 
just one more of the ruined castles we discovered






Friday, 27 September 2013

Hope






A Rainbow....
seems to be the universal symbol of

HOPE!
That's why I chose this picture
from many that I took
from our windows last year!

We seem to have a lot of rainbows here
particularly in November.

God said that, when we saw it,
we would remember His promise to us....

So why am I showing this
of all the pictures that I could have chosen?






I was on the way to my doctor this morning
and thought
'Why am I feeling so flat....almost dead inside?'

I realised that I really didn't care about anything and
didn't want to do anything.

As a counsellor
I knew I was depressed....



....and asked myself what had happened.
I had been so positive...
and had been pushing myself 
to do some of the things I missed




Although I was in constant pain...
I was taking control of my life again.....
and it felt GOOD




So....what went wrong??

I tried to think when it had started...
and realised that 
it had been going on for about a month.

So....what happened a month ago?




It was when I saw my consultant in the local hospital.
He had not been happy that...
I had the last op in Cardiff........
and wanted to write to them to see 
what they had done.




That is all good and fair..
and very wise and reasonable
but
the hospital in Cardiff
is terrible for correspondence.
I had to write and phone so many times
to get them to write to my Dr
as they had, even, not written to him
to tell him they had operated!
That was 6 months after!!




I realised my sense of 
hopelessness and helplessness
started there!

I am just sooooo weary
and having to start all over again...
trying to get information
and then to get them to write about it correctly
feels just too much!!




I have now had over 5 years
of trying to get help
and get some sort of pain relief.
I do not like having to be on painkillers




I feel like I have lost hope!

Sorry for moaning
now you know why I have not posted 
for nearly a month.
I feel I have nothing to say




I have followed others' blogs
and I can see that they are going through things that are far worse than my problems
 and are, even, life threatening
so I really have nothing to complain about



But
this is me....
I know that I have to 
'pull myself together and get on with it'!!
I don't know now 
when the information will come through....
or
when, if ever, they will decide to operate.




So.... for the moment
I have lost hope.
I know that I will recoup
but...just at this moment...life feels...
pointless.

Sorry about this miserable post
but I've read often enough
where people are urged to be open 
and be themselves.

I know I will come about so please don't 
stop following me....or...
give up on me...
please give me time....

Hence the rainbow....
symbol of hope...
of a new start..