So.......!?

It seems a strange title........

but that is where I am!

For several weeks I have struggled to decide whether I should continue blogging.

I have read others' struggles with the decision

to continue...or not!

Everyone has been so supportive and has written such encouraging comments to me

but I have not had the time, or the oomph,

to visit them recently

I have felt that I am not alone

when I read the supportive notes that

 you all have written

and I so enjoy reading about others' lives all over the world and seeing areas that I will never visit

I have learnt so much about decorating

my home

and been given so many ideas as to how to arrange

my china and front porch

(well I have the ideas but haven't done it yet!)

I've even started crocheting and been encouraged along by you all, to try other things

but I just haven't visited you recently.......

In fact one of my followers gently pointed out

in her comment to me last week

that I hadn't visited her recently........

and that friends visit each other!!

So I'm thinking that it is not fair to you all who kindly continue visiting me and leaving encouraging comments.......

perhaps I had better stop

Since this last op I am still on so many meds

that life seems to be 

a long hard daily chore......

(as I know it is for so many of you, my friends) 

and I just don't seem to get around

to all that I intend to... 

My daughter did take me up to see my mother

which was so good of her

Mum looked great, as always, and it was good to sit and share stories

She's 92 and in better fettle than I am!

My husband had a slight stroke last week

I took him to the doctors as I thought he had had one and he refused to go anywhere else.

The doctor immediately admitted him to hospital

and he was there for a few days.

I didn't mention it on my last blog as I hadn't told my mother and she would have been upset

to read it first here!

He's home now and certainly a lot better...

I finished Mum's Granny Stripe blanket and she's delighted with it.

It amused me to see the difference

in size and tension

between the first rows and the last ones. This was the first proper crochet work that I started!!

I then made this baby shawl

for my neighbour's new granddaughter

I found the pattern in Ravelry

it was by Candi Jensen

  see here

I found this pattern on Ravelry, and

designed by Suzana Davidovic, for  a Calm Cowl

I'm crocheting it in Rowan Purelife

British Sheep Breeds Undyed and it's from

a Bluefaced Leicester

I made Mum's cowl in Manos del Uruguay.

It looked really lovely on her

but I forgot to take a photo......!

So....my friends...thank you so much for your help and friendship

I'm not being mawkish

but, if you feel that you could put up with a friend

who visits only occasionally......

and blogs infrequently...

Making Every Minute Count

I was taking photos a few weeks ago, to capture

the last flowers before the winter

when a butterfly

decided to enjoy them too!!

It made me think about 'savouring the moment.'

I don't know about you but I so enjoy the beauty around me and the simplest  flower

growing stuck in a corner

of a pile of rubble

can touch something deep inside me that demands

a response.....and a pause

in what I'm doing!

I am touched by its beauty and I take a photo

or two.......

I pause to enjoy the moment

and wonder what quirk of fate cause it to seed and grow in such an unwelcome place

Here's another that has just turned up

out of the blue !

I don't even know what it is!

(the yellow one above)

Others are ones that I have planted and I do

pause, frequently, to enjoy...

their colours and shapes

                    I'm not trying to be corny.....
                          but I am thinking
                 of all that is happening in my life     
                            and I wonder
if I am making the best of where I am at this moment

                      rather than worrying
    about what I have lost and what the future holds?!
                           .....and...yes... 
       I know it says something similar in the Bible!!



I so appreciate the loving and thoughtful

words that you have spent time

writing to me...

after my last post

and I hope to reply personally

to each one of you my dear friends!

It has made me think a lot and I realise that I need

to spend time just enjoying where I am

and what I have.

I don't mean that I/we shouldn't dream...

(I still need to learn how as.........

I seem to have forgotten!)

I remember well

watching my children...and, also now, grandchildren

hunkering down on their haunches

totally concentrating on watching an ant or....

some other bug

totally absorbed....

their whole world focussed on watching

whatever was happening

before them

I don't know about you..... but,

probably due to many responsibilities and 'things'

that are a source of worry and concern,

I feel that I have lost this ability!

William Henry Davies wrote

"What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows...."

I well remember.......

several years ago,

going for a walk with a friend.

We stopped,leaning on a gate, to enjoy the view.

There were cattle contentedly grazing

and a stream flowing slowly by....... while a tree

trailed its branches in the water

making little sparkles as the sun struck sparks

of light on the ripples

in the water.

Suddenly I realised that I was trying

to count the cattle!!

What a relief when I realised that.......

they were not my responsibility..

......they belonged to somebody else!!

I was free to relax and enjoy the scenery!

What am I trying to say?

Seeing the butterfly sipping the nectar from

 the flower...

Can I realise

what are my responsibilities

and what can I let go

so that I can

pause and take in the glory of the moment

and enjoy where I am

IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT!!

I'm joining Sunny Simple Sunday

and The Sunday Community

Somewhere Over the Rainbow?!

When I awoke the other morning

there was a glorious

Rainbow

outside my window.....

so I did as all bloggers seem to do.....

and grabbed my camera!

How I wish I had a wider lens so

I could capture the whole!

I loved the double rainbow

that seemed to highlight the local houses

The raindrops on the lens

still don't seem to spoil the picture!

I was thinking of the song from 'The Wizard of Oz'

'Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue

and the dreams that you dare to dream

really do come true'

So many of my 'dreams' have come to a grinding halt

and I find myself afraid to dream

in case they just don't happen..........

in fact, if I'm truly honest, I have spent so much time

in a 'waiting for the next op'

frame of mind

that I don't know what to dream anyway!!

Sorry if this is an uncomfortable post but I wonder how many who read this have had to put their dreams on hold for so long that they can't remember or don't know how to dream again?

I know that I'm afraid to try........

.....I just don't know what to dream

One thing I'm desperate to do is go 200 miles

to see my mother

whom I haven't seen

since her 92nd birthday in August!

I usually try to drive and see her every other month

They have only just allowed me to drive

but only as far as our local town!

There are no easy trains or buses!

I would need some way

where I can stop, get out and move around

I have tossed so many ideas around in my mind.

My daughter said yesterday

 that she will try to take me ...... she has a full life

with family and many other committments

so I don't know how she can 'fit it in'!

I used to be driving everywhere and so independent!

This life is so different and difficult!!

Would you say seeing Mum is a dream...?

In fact, now I come to think about it,

what is a dream?

'Someday I'll wish upon a star

and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me'

Wouldn't that be a nice place to be?......

Ffald y Brenin

Last week

I asked some friends if they would take me

to a very special place

Ffald y Brenin

(which means Sheepfold of the King.)

This is a retreat centre

that came into being over 20 years ago

It's founders believed that an old farmhouse

and buildings

situated on the top of the Preseli Hills

should be converted

to a Christian Retreat Centre

Years of hard work

has made it the most wonderful place to be...

...whether for one day or more!

I walked out nearly to the cross

and looked back at the centre through the trees

I just love all the curves and shapes!

The views from the windows are incredible!

The circular building at the top

is the Chapel.

There was a large rock

in the way of the building work...

it was found to actually be....

a part of the mountain

So they built the Chapel

around it!

Just a few photos of the front

This is the entrance

and look who is coming in!

Thank you to all who wrote such wonderful and encouraging comments on my last blog.

It really helped!!

What supportive friends you all are.

I hope to reply to each one individually but it may take me a while!

I value your comments!

                                                           I am joining Your Sunday Best

and The Sunday Community

Yesterday!

I was catching up with my blogging friends this morning and came to 'Buttons Thoughts'

Seeds Sown

Since then my mind has been dwelling

(as it seems to do these days) on the past

and all that has happened!

Thinking of a title the word 'Yesterday' came to mind and, somehow the beginning lyrics

seemed so apt

"Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as if they're here to stay

I believe in Yesterday

Suddenly...I'm not half the man I used to be....." etc

(The Beatles)

This post is not my normal and I apologise.

I have a load of photos of our coast

and hills in my camera but I wanted just to share my thoughts with my blogging friends

I so empathised with Buttons...

when I read her latest post. 

I've been married to a farmer for over 46 years and prior to that had nothing to do with farming

I have learnt beside him, helped with the farm work, worried over the animals and the crops.....

.... the weather and Government forms and edicts

We've built buildings and bought land....

which needed the scrub cleared

and the crops planted...ditches to drain it...

...and maintain

Animals who needed to be milked

and generally cared for

As many do in farming here,

we moved out to allow our son to continue the family farm and we semi retired to a different farm.

Now all our land is rented out...

My husband frets

over the different way my son farms

and the ditches not cleared and the hedges not cut

Those among you

who are farmers can probably agree.

As with so many farmer's wives

I stand between my son and husband.

I tell my husband what a good farmer and man he is

....and he really is!!

I so often wish to say to him

that I grieve over the hard work he has done

being undone

but that would be ammunition for him 

and it would probably be twisted (when quoted)because of his pain.

My son is an excellent farmer too
but manages his farming in a different way.
He's brought organic farming to our land and is
highly thought of in the community

In my mind's eye I see a strong young man,

bare chested ... one of our children on his shoulders and a farm dog at his feet

Now I see an old and bent man still tryng to do his best for me and his family!!!

Since I broke both my ankles and damaged my back nearly 5 years ago

I am no longer able to help him.

Operation after operation has left me

unable to do all I once loved....

although I am trying to reclaim some of that!

Buttons talked of the agony of making the decision to take addictive drugs here 

In June I was admitted as an emergency from A &E

.... warded for a week and started on morphine.

I feel I should try and come off it but the pain is really bad (even after my recent surgery)

So my elderly husband is working outside

and I am inside grieving because I can't do more

Sorry if this is not what you expected
and I promise I will move on from this but it is
always inside me and I needed to say it!

When I looked out of my window this morning

I saw (as always)

my neighbours old cow shed

It has become inaccessible through trees and brambles etc. 

 I thought of those people, long ago,

with their hopes and dreams and, probably, 

far harder work than we had to do..

...no electricity, tractors etc...

(my husband often talks of those times these days.... when he had to be up at 3am to put the horses to before the flies came)

So it seemed appropriate to take some photos

Notice when I walked there...

cat came too!!

My thoughts are so much

with my blogging friends and all those on the east cost of America...and soon Canada.....

May God watch over you!