Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Sooooo Long!!

My dear blogging friends
It has been so long
and I feel ashamed that I haven't replied
to so many lovely comments
and emails!
Thanks you all so much!

I wasn't allowed to drive for sometime
and so kind friends took me 
out for drives

This one is over the Preseli Hills
with the 2 reservoirs in the background

I had hoped to have made more progress by now.
The pain in my back is easier
and I can feel my feet 
(though this is sometimes very painful).
I am still on crutches
and cannot walk without them.
I asked why this was worse than before the op
so they decided to do an Xray
of my left hip...
low and behold...
it is bone on bone and growing spurs
The right one is, apparently, text book OK!!

When I look at the quarries above
or the little cottage
in the moors..
when I think of how hard life must have been
for those working there...
I think, "What have I to whinge about"

The fact still remains....
I am still in a lot of pain and on strong painkillers
I need another operation!
So I am going back to Cardiff 
for a total hip replacement 
on 30th April

Tomorrow I have to go there
for a 2 hour pre-op assessment....

I have been rather down.
Although I know that hip replacements are routine and very successful now...
It's the thought 
of the immediate post-op pain
and the pain when you have to start mobilising.

I know some of you have been through so much worse but it's only a few months since my last major op and sometimes I think that I just don't have the energy for this all over again.

Plus over these last 6 years I have had been in plaster 3 times (2 of these ops.1 of those a fusion) on my left ankle;
2 times on my right (1 was an op.);
2 back operations
and now...this!!

Every time...
I was told...
"This will be it...after this all will be well...."

I thought I'd be up and able to walk our lovely coast path and do things with my mother and grandchildren without having to take handfuls of painkillers and sit down every few steps...

I'm fed up of putting a brave face on so that people will want to be in my presence.
I'm fed up of people laughing at things that I have to do for day to day living..
like carrying things up and downstairs 
(which I do as seldom as possible as it's so painful) 
in a backpack.  
I laugh with them laughing at me
but inside I'm bleeding!!

In the Drs the other day I was in tears and was told "Never mind.  Use your black humour.  You'll get by"

Now you see, my friends, why I haven't blogged in so long....
I've probably already driven away
the few of your who have been kind enough to write!!

I do hope that you can understand 
why I haven't blogged.
Life has just been too painful
and upsetting
and I can no longer put on a mask
and joke about it!

It was a lovely day Easter Sat
so I persuaded a friend to come to one of my favourite places...
Picton Castle.
In a wild patch of garden the Fritillaria 
were looking gorgeous

Aren't they gorgeous?

Round the corner we came upon.....

Aren't they incredible?

My friend was totally

They are made from sculptured willow.

Just look at the hands!

Aren't they....?
I've run out of superlative adjectives!!

It was a lovely..
and surprising....afternoon!

And ...then...
I arrived home to find
an Easter arrangement from a friend

Isn't this a cute arrangement?
I am so fortunate in all my friends...
and I include you all in this.
Thanks you so much for your care and concern!

Do you see who I see 
lurking amongst the flowers....


  1. Joan, thanks so much for posting! I am truly sorry for the pain you are in, and pray that your hip replacement surgery will bring you relief. In the midst of your pain, thank you for thinking of us and for sharing through your photos and narrative some of the beauty and wonder you have enjoyed in spite of your pain.

    Spring is progressing here in the Pacific Northwest! The white cherry blossoms I showed in my last post have mostly fallen from our huge wild cherry tree, and I expect the tree is now busy forming cranberry sized sour cherries which will no doubt delight the local birds in the weeks to come :)

    Blessings to you and yours xx

  2. Prayers be with you my dear. My husband is having total hip replacement surgery tomorrow.

  3. I'm so glad you posted and I'm so sorry for all you're going through. So glad you were able to get out and enjoy the spring flowers and those amazing sculptures. I'll be praying for you and your upcoming surgery.

  4. How nice to see a post from you here today, Joan. I am so sorry you have to go through yet another surgery. I do truly hope that this one "does the trick"and that you feel like you did a few years ago before this all started.

    You are just getting weary,my dear. Long term pain is debilitating and anyone that has not suffered from it has no idea what you have been through.

    God bless you- I am praying for a successful surgery and a quick rehab that is not too bad. Love to you- Diana

  5. The Willow foxes are amazing! I am so glad you went out for awhile and got to see all the beauty that you have posted here. If you cannot be real on your own blog, then where can you? Keeping pain and suffering all inside is not good, we need to talk, write, let others know, so we can get support and do not suffer inside so much. You have made the right decision. All I can say is we are all rooting for you, one day at a time. I know it all is so overwhelming, but many of us are praying for you and wishing you well.

  6. I want to reply to your post and I want to tell you things. I want to say lots but I can't at this moment because I have lesson plans to prepare for tomorrow. I am going to say though I am still here and I am not going away and in fact I'm coming back when I have a bit more precious time to comment on those impressive photos of the wooden giants.


    Amanda xxx

  7. Dear friend, I am so happy to see a post from you and I am so sorry for all of the things you are having to endure!1 HUGS!! and prayers for you!

  8. Oh Joan no need to hide behind a mask it is better to show the ones you love what you are going through they will understand, I certainly do and I have never met you. Just through your blog I can see what a strong woman you are and you should not have to continue to be strong for us
    You are an incredible woman who finds herself in an incredible sense of circumstances beyond your control and it is going to be better I am sure of it. Keep thinking positive, I wish I could give you a hug. I will be waiting here for you when you get back and this one is going to be the last one. Your photos are beautiful and you have awesome friends. HUGS HUGS B.

  9. So good to see you back again. Will be remembering you in my prayers. Just keep in touch so that this tremendous online community can help give you some extra support! Sending you a big hug!

  10. Hugs and prayers and more virtual hugs Joan. I will keep you in my thoughts and pray for all those who will be operating/looking after you at the end of April.

    I so enjoyed your photos today and the surprise of the sculptures was lovely.


  11. I had so wondered how you were, I am glad that you posted and did not hide how you are feeling. It's good to let it all out as they say. I cannot believe all that you've had/have to go through. I pray that there will be an end to the ops, pain etc ad you will be able to enjoy your beautiful part of the world. I can only imagine what you are going through. I have recently found out that I need a knee replacement- bone on bone. Pain easier at moment ( pain killers) but my life has changed at the moment. My situation is nothing lie what you are going through but have a tiny insight into pain and how it makes one feel. Hang in there. I will be thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers. Gentle hugs Anne x

  12. Welcome back and all the best for your surgery - one day when you've recovered and feel so much better you'll regain your mojo! Cheers from Carole's CHatter

  13. Hi Joan. Lovely to hear from you again. I do enjoy your posts - you keep things real. I'm sorry to hear you are in so much pain, it has been ongoing hasn't it, and not easy to deal with. I will say a prayer for you. Wishing you all the best for the op and a speedy recovery.


  14. I'm glad to see you post and read your update but I'm sorry you are still suffering so much. I'll keep you in my prayers sweet friend. I sure love the countryside where you live and those amazing foxes! Take care of yourself and try not to worry. Sending you lots of sweet hugs, Diane

  15. I'm glad to see you posted to catch us up on things. You sure have been through the mill with your operations, poor you! I can imagine how upset you are about the hip.. it's just plain scary stuff. But you're strong and you have friends and family and I know you'll power through this. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

  16. Hello Joan...I was happy to see your post and sad that you have been through so much and have to go through more. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. So glad you got the lovely flowers, too, and had the nice excursion. Susan

  17. Oh Joan, I wish I could say or do something that would make you feel even a little less pain for a moment or two. Don't lose hope. We're all thinking of you and praying that you will be well again. It's so hard to put the pain out of your mind when it's such a constant thing. I pray you find the strength to get through this surgery and that you will finally see some benefit to all the procedures you've endured. Be well my friend! xoxo

  18. Thanks for the update. I'm sorry you have to have yet another surgery. I would be totally bummed too. Hopefully this one will fix you right up. I'll be thinking lots of good thoughts for you! And fingers double crossed. Sending you smiles through the internet.

  19. well little friend, you have been going through such a lot, no wonder no time for blogs... anyway, just thought I would tell you that post op you don't neccesarily have huge pain.. it will feel soooo much better than before, so any twinges will feel slight.. I had my right hip done and never looked back..of course we are all different, and you have had enough of ops, but maybe this Will be the last you need.. so thinking of you and wishing you good health.all the best J

  20. I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I so understand all of this post. Praying you are given the strength and energy to go through this hip replacement. One of my dearest friends just had this done and you should see her go now! She is up and moving in less than 2 months. She is done with therapy and got to throw away her cane. She is doing water aerobics now to improve her over all function and mobility and she says it just wonderful. I hope you have the same success with yours. That bone on bone and with spurs is enough to stop you right there. Get rid of that and you will feel like a new person!
    I live in pain daily and have to mask it to others. My family knows when I have bad days and cannot move. I have a wheel chair for when we go out so the pain level doesn't rise above what I can handle. You might see about getting one for your outings or walks. Let us know as soon as you can when the surgery is over.

  21. Sorry to hear you are in so much pain. I think after your hip is replaced things will start improving for you. I understand it is hard to blog when you are not feeling upbeat, but that's ok. Everyone of us has problems and we are more than willing to share with you. Don't be afraid to tell us. I am glad you had a nice outing with your friend. I love those sculptures/topiaries? Feel better.

  22. It is such a relief to read a post from you, Joan. I had wondered about you. I am sorry you have had such an ordeal and are still having pain! Perhaps this time really will do the trick. Sending wishes for a Happy Spring! xo Nellie

  23. Wonderful to see our post and pictures.
    Dreadful you have had to have so much pain surgery, more pain and then more of the same, again and again and again!

  24. Amazing resilience and spirit you have. So much to endure and yet you keep on!
    Easter Blessings to you . . .

  25. Sending loads of love... I hope the pre-op visit has gone smoothly. Jx

  26. Wonderful willow weavings!

    Sometimes, when we have to be so very strong for so very long, it is too much. And how to keep going when you can't ... one step at time, one day at a time ... those phrases can feel like meaningless clichés. But (isn't there always a but, and this one's another cliché) this too will pass ... you are resilient enough to weather the storm x

    In the meantime, anyone who laughs at your back pack ... I'd smack them with it ;)

    Thinking of you Joan xxx

  27. And yet, through it all you think of us and share your lovely finds and beautiful outings. Many thanks dear lady.

  28. Dear Joan,
    You are in my prayers. There is nothing worse or more painful than back and hip pain.
    I have had 3 spinal hernias fused...and still I get pain. Its now going to my right hip, so I know what you are going through.
    I do hope that the hip replacement will alleviate some of the pain.
    My mother had two hip replacements.
    Its so awful when one is in pain. I often have to take painkillers and lie down.
    Wish you all the best.
    keep your chin up.
    best wishes..
    val xxxx
    I have put you on my blog list..

  29. Joan, I'm so glad to hear from you again, and so sorry that things have not been going better for you. Go ahead and be honest - your real friends can take it!

    I do hope the hip surgery and recovery will go well for you. Hang in there as best you can, dear Joan, and don't let anyone give you a hard time. I think the backpack is a great idea, by the way! :)

    Such beautiful photos as always. God bless you and give you peace.

  30. Joan, it was so nice not only to read this post, but your recent email as well. I was sorry to read about your recent ops and minor setbacks and I say that because you have such a strong spirit and outlook that you will be back and better than ever. Wishing you a full recovery so you can get back to everything you enjoy. All your blog friends will be cheering you on you can be sure of that.

  31. Joan, I am so sorry you are having so many problems. I hope the hip replacement surgery went well and you are recovering quickly. I have been slow getting around to reading posts as things here are a bit glum at the moment. But I do so hope that you are working through and getting better each and every day.



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