Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Just So Pretty






I just had to share these beautiful flowers!
They were supposed to have been delivered 
for Christmas


but instead, as I was in hospital,
the florist delayed bringing them so that I could have some lovely spring flowers ...


...when I arrived home!

It seems that every time I look at them
I see another little flower
hidden away



and it so delights me!




I am continuing to improve......... 
after my last stay in hospital




but I have to go to Swansea (60 miles away)
on Thursday
to see the spinal consultant
about the next stage...
(i.e. fusion..)
of my journey into (hopefully) painless living!




It is 5 years this Saturday
since this all started 
and I would like to get some sort of life again!




I have learnt so much
through all of this..
mainly about myself .....
and some of the things I've learnt I haven't liked!




I'm not saying that I'm a saint...
I have whinged and felt very sorry for myself!




but these times of not being able to go out...
of having to let others
do the things I used to do so easily...




because I can no longer manage...

Of having others do things differently 
from the way I like to do it...




I suppose I'm talking about..... 
no longer being in control??!!



It has been so difficult...

and, yes, I've grieved over losing my ability to go and walk our glorious coastal paths....
(why on earth didn't I do it more....
appreciate it more..
etc... etc..
while I could)



I've grieved over people not listening
to what I have asked them to do 
and then 
totally ruining
the plants that I had spent years training 
to tumble
over the wall....
etc... etc..



but...through all this...
I hope that I am emerging a better person
who is not so full of herself
and her abilities
but is able
to know herself and her needs more fully



and, I hope, 
be more aware of others and their needs.

I know that I spend more time
in the moment....
just enjoying where I am and what I have
now that I am not rushing here 
or there.

There is so much to see and enjoy
out there...




This is the moon yesterday morning
I just thought it looked lovely!

I'm sorry that I seem to have rambled a bit
but that is just where I am today

I hope that
wherever you are
is just where you need to be today!!




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29 comments:

  1. Trace4J29 January 2013 at 11:46

    You are in my thought and prayers Friend.
    Your flowers are Beautiful!
    Blessings & Hugs
    Trace

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  2. MarmePurl29 January 2013 at 12:28

    Delighted that you shared that beautiful arrangement with us.
    Keep looking at all the lovely (pretty moon shot!)in your world.

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  3. Jeanne29 January 2013 at 12:34

    Beautiful shots, and yes, illness is a great and difficult school of learning. Have to really be in the moment and appreciate what we have. Will be praying for your total recovery and your Thursday trip! Blessings to you

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  4. Beth29 January 2013 at 13:23

    The flower pictures are beautiful Joan. I am so hoping that you are soon feeling so much better.

    HUGS!! for you!

    Beth

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  5. Lynne29 January 2013 at 13:29

    Oh my, I didn't realize this has been a journey of five years. Difficult to adjust from independence to less so, I am sure. Such a gracious heart and continued determination you have. I hope the fusion will be a new, promising final step in this process. I hope flowers continue to surround you and remind you of the "bright spots" on the horizon!

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  6. Cranberry Morning29 January 2013 at 13:48

    These things are so tough. This was a beautiful post. You have learned so much. We never know when we're going to have to make major adjustments to our lives and when the control we're so used to having is taken from us, if only temporarily. Sounds like you're going to do just fine, appreciating all you have and gaining a new perspective.

    I hope your trip to Swansea doctor goes well. Lovely flowers. How nice that the delivery was delayed. We can all do with flowers this time of year.

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  7. Nellie29 January 2013 at 13:55

    Lovely, lovely flowers! I send along my best thoughts and wishes to you as you continue this journey to lesser pain.

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  8. NanaDiana29 January 2013 at 13:58

    Five years is a long time to be in virtual limbo. You have done an admirable job of being on the receiving end of it all. I am like you- I like control and it bothers me to have things done haphazardly or not at all.
    God bless you- I certainly hope the specialist can help you and you can find some release from your pain. Your flowers are beautiful, Joan- Prayers for your recovery~ xo Diana

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  9. Susie29 January 2013 at 14:23

    Joan, Bless your heart. I like being in control too. Not of everyday things so much as controling my health. when our health is off, we feel out of control...and it's scary. Sorry that you can't do your walks again...many times I too worry about being able to walk. I have arthritis and it's really makes walking a huge pain . If I walk then I have pain thru the night. I am praying for your dear friend. Remember you have many blogland friends who will pray for you and there is power in prayer. I loved your beautiful flower arrangement. xoxo,Susie

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  10. Linda W.29 January 2013 at 15:38

    What a beautiful bouquet! And much better to get it after the holidays, to brighten up January's dreary days.

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  11. Sweet Posy Dreams29 January 2013 at 15:43

    That is just about the most gorgeous bouquet I've ever seen. The orchids are just lovely. It all is.

    Best wishes.

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  12. Stephanie29 January 2013 at 15:51

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful flowers with us - they are gorgeous and must be bring lovely sunshine into your home :)

    And thank you for sharing your heart. I was blessed by what you wrote, but also saddened that you have been struggling with this for 5 years. I will certainly be praying for you and for strength. Hopefully very soon you will be living pain-free :) God is our great Healer.

    Hugs and blessings to you,
    Stephanie

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  13. Jan29 January 2013 at 15:59

    Five years is a long time... I'm not surprised that there have been times when you've wanted to scream and rant (I'm know I would have!). I hope that you have good news on Thursday. Jx

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  14. Betsy29 January 2013 at 16:19

    What a beautiful bouquet and how thoughtful of the florist to wait until you could enjoy it. It saddens me that you have been in this "life limbo" for five years, but, perhaps they were learning years for you. It certainly sounds as if you're ready to take charge of your life once again and do things a bit differently. We could probably all benefit from that.
    Many blessings,
    Betsy

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  15. Kris29 January 2013 at 16:50

    Oh they are gorgeous!!! I hope this finds you feeling much better!!!!
    xo Kris

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  16. Meredith29 January 2013 at 18:05

    I love to hear you "ramble", you remind me to take things a day at a time, to enjoy the moment. None of us are Saints that is for sure, all we can do is to try and do better.
    Good luck on that appointment, I hope it brings you a pain free life.
    Meredith

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  17. NanaNor's29 January 2013 at 18:07

    Hi Joan, What a wonderful arrangement-I hope the flowers bring you joy! I'm sorry that you have had such hard lessons to learn-but I know that you'll have much wisdom from them. Think of all you can share with others who might face the same situation. Get strong so you can once again do those things you love.
    Hugs, Noreen

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  18. Buttons Thoughts29 January 2013 at 19:34

    Oh They are so beautiful as is this post and you. You are one of the strongest gentlest people I have never met in person but I am sure of this. Hug good luck at the Doc. All will be great in time I just know it. B

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  19. Anne29 January 2013 at 19:49

    Your flowers are beautiful. I do hope that the end of this painful part of your life will soon be in sight. Anne x

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  20. Ginny Hartzler29 January 2013 at 20:30

    I think you are not rambling at all, my dear. I am so glad you are continuing to improve! And I do believe that from every circumstance, we can learn something. Are the flowers real? They are so beautiful that I cannot tell!

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  21. Ms. A29 January 2013 at 23:02

    Giving up control is HARD. Nobody will do things exactly like you do, even if what they do isn't completely wrong... it's just different than the way you'd do it. I totally understand.

    The flowers are gorgeous! Continue on with your improvement.

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  22. Teresa Kasner29 January 2013 at 23:36

    It sounds like you are making the best of your situation and learning a lot in the bargain. I hope the doctors can fix you up like new so you can get back to the things you love.
    ((hugs)), Teresa :-) (have you checked my blog post lately?)

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  23. Rose H (UK)30 January 2013 at 00:32

    What a glorious gift to receive Joan.
    We all have to learn different things throughout our lives, some things are much harder than others to get a grip on. I'm sure it's been a hard journey for you, but you're certainly coming to terms with it all. Wishing you well and hoping that this journey is soon over and you're pain free again.
    Rose H
    x

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  24. doodles n daydreams30 January 2013 at 10:14

    Joan, your gift of the spring flowers is lovely, how thoughtful of the florist to hold them back for you.
    Your eloquence when telling us how you are feeling is also a gift to the rest of us, you are so open and honest. I admire your courage when you share with us.

    blessings,
    Diana

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  25. LANA30 January 2013 at 15:50

    I am sure the day will come when you can again walk your coastal paths, and how joyful it will be.

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  26. Gracie Saylor30 January 2013 at 21:44

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and flowers, Joan. Both reflect growing in beauty, but ohhhh the process is certainly challenging, isn't it.

    We are having another day of rain in the valley but there is a lot of snow on Mt. Hood!! The forecast is for dry weather for a few days, but for the moment I hope to get some stitching done inside where it is dry and cozy and warm :)

    Blessings to you and yours,
    Gracie

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  27. Beatrice P. Boyd31 January 2013 at 01:43

    Joan, the flowers are lovely and very colorful. It was very thoughtful of the florist to hold off delivery until you had returned home and could appreciate them there. The comments expressed in this post highlight that we all will have to make changes at one time or another in our lives for whatever reason. Though things may not have turned out as you had hoped or wishes, you are managing to find peace and resolution or at least it seems that way to me. Hope the upcoming trip brings some positive news.

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  28. Annie Cholewa2 February 2013 at 17:23

    Hello Joan. I'm finally catching up everyone having been unwell myself. I do sympathise with the struggle to let go of the things you can no longer do for yourself ... I'm not as limited as you are by any means but there are certainly things my RA stops me from doing and it's tough.

    Those are the most beautiful flowers :D

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  29. A Colorful World7 February 2013 at 02:18

    Oh, how moving and full of wisdom this post was! I know how hard it must be for you to make adjustments now and know you can't do what you used to! I am glad you are getting better since Christmas though. Your flowers are absolutely gorgeous! What a thoughtful florist to wait! I feel badly about complaining about my eye surgery in July...I do have chronic fatigue syndrome, but there are many others who have far greater difficulties than mine. We have to remember how blessed we are, and be grateful for those blessings. I am beginning to learn a lot.

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