Home from Hospital!

And ....no

I don't look like her!!

Even though I am a farm girl

I came home from hospital

a couple of weeks ago.

....and I don't look like her either!!

It was a much bigger op

than they had intended

so I had to stay in longer

and since then have been 

heavily dosed with pain killers

so that I haven't felt like,

or been able to do,

very much

However

I am beginning to feel

a little brighter

and so wanted to thank all who sent cards

and good wishes for my recovery

I am told

that I have to stay heavily medicated

for a long time,

and that the nerves that were so badly crushed

will take a long time to regenerate

and cause a lot of pain,

and other strange feelings,

but that it will all be worth it!!

A few days after I came home from hospital

I had a phone call from a paramedic saying 

my mother had fallen in town

and was being taken to hospital.

She has fractured

her right wrist

and is badly bruised and has wrenched muscles

in her left side

Bless her heart she doesn't need this

as she is 93!

You may have read a couple of her guest posts

Fadedgingernut Returns

I find it very hard

as she lives 200 miles away

and I long to be able to go and help her

but there's nothing I can do!

Life's hard....isn't it!?

My daughter and family

came on Saturday

and took the Christmas tree and decorations

down from the attic

and yesterday

a friend came and put decorations

on these twigs

so I thought that I would show you

a few of the things

that I have collected over the years

Thank you all so much for your kind words

and support.

May you all have a Blessed Christmas

and a Happy and Healthy

New Year!

Do you think

I might look like her??

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

TO YOU ALL!!

It's been a long time

My dear blogging friends.

It's been a long time, I know.

I'm so sorry that I haven't been in touch

but,

without long explanations,

I know you understand.

My son and family

invited me to stay in Scotland 

with them at the end of October..
the Doctor had said 
I needed a holiday...

and we spent the week

in the Trossachs

This is Lachlan Castle

first seen in the distance and then

getting closer

Such a pretty place to stay

if you can afford it!

We couldn't!!!

So we went to a nearby tearoom...

...drank wonderful hot chocolate,

were persuaded to have the most delicious scones - (almost(but not quite) as good as my mother's) -  straight from the oven and covered with strawberry jam and whipped cream

and sat and looked out at Old Castle Lachlan

The weather was really bad when we were there,

so any small ray of sunshine

had the cameras out!

I am sure that you can see 

the difference in the photos?!?

However, no matter what the weather,

the welcome 

in the little

tearoom

was always friendly and warm!

I did take more photos

but won't put them all on today.

I wanted to show you a couple of things

that I have made

I finished the Capo-Ktus shawl

The pattern can be downloaded from Ravelry

It is the most glorious yarn
with a lovely sheen

and just slips through your fingers as you work.

Handmaiden - Sea-silk.

It was very expensive but so worth it!

I bought it with

Purlescence

I  also knitted
another 
Lisa's Wrap

I had made one for my daughter in law in the summer and Mum loved it..
 so she chose the yarn
yes another Noro Kogarashi!

and I've just finished 
a baby blanket

The colours haven't come out too well on this photo
They really are a lot lighter!

So....I haven't made much really...
I have started a few things and then not been happy and so pulled them out!

It's been a strange couple of months...
thank you all so much
for writing
and even one friend sent a card!
I do so appreciate
the love and support that you have all shown..
sorry I haven't written back

It somehow feels 
as if time is in slow motion 
and everything takes so long to accomplish 
that I often don't even start!!
The result is that I seem to have got 
very little accomplished!

I've been in quite a lot of pain
(even with all the meds)
and it feels as if the op last September (2012)
hasn't had much effect.

However....
I am going to Cardiff
(100 miles away)
for a major back op
on 26th of this month!

At the moment I am trying to get everything ready
both for being in hospital for a week
but also..
for when I come out...
...especially with Christmas looming!

I so hope that this will do the trick
and that I will be out of pain and able to walk and get about more easily!

I am so sorry that I haven't visited any of you recently.
I just don't seem to have the energy.
It doesn't mean that 
I haven't thought and spoken of you all a lot!
Hopefully I will get to see some of you soon...
I might even be able to visit
if the hospital has Wifi.


Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my friends in the USA

I'll show you 
just one more of the ruined castles we discovered

Hope

A Rainbow....

seems to be the universal symbol of

HOPE!

That's why I chose this picture

from many that I took

from our windows last year!

We seem to have a lot of rainbows here

particularly in November.

God said that, when we saw it,

we would remember His promise to us....

So why am I showing this

of all the pictures that I could have chosen?

I was on the way to my doctor this morning

and thought

'Why am I feeling so flat....almost dead inside?'

I realised that I really didn't care about anything and

didn't want to do anything.

As a counsellor

I knew I was depressed....

....and asked myself what had happened.

I had been so positive...

and had been pushing myself 

to do some of the things I missed

Although I was in constant pain...

I was taking control of my life again.....

and it felt GOOD

So....what went wrong??

I tried to think when it had started...

and realised that 

it had been going on for about a month.

So....what happened a month ago?

It was when I saw my consultant in the local hospital.

He had not been happy that...

I had the last op in Cardiff........

and wanted to write to them to see 

what they had done.

That is all good and fair..

and very wise and reasonable

but

the hospital in Cardiff

is terrible for correspondence.

I had to write and phone so many times

to get them to write to my Dr

as they had, even, not written to him

to tell him they had operated!

That was 6 months after!!

I realised my sense of 

hopelessness and helplessness

started there!

I am just sooooo weary

and having to start all over again...

trying to get information

and then to get them to write about it correctly

feels just too much!!

I have now had over 5 years

of trying to get help

and get some sort of pain relief.

I do not like having to be on painkillers

I feel like I have lost hope!

Sorry for moaning

now you know why I have not posted 

for nearly a month.

I feel I have nothing to say

I have followed others' blogs

and I can see that they are going through things that are far worse than my problems

 and are, even, life threatening

so I really have nothing to complain about

But

this is me....

I know that I have to 

'pull myself together and get on with it'!!

I don't know now 

when the information will come through....

or

when, if ever, they will decide to operate.

So.... for the moment

I have lost hope.

I know that I will recoup

but...just at this moment...life feels...

pointless.

Sorry about this miserable post

but I've read often enough

where people are urged to be open 

and be themselves.

I know I will come about so please don't 

stop following me....or...

give up on me...

please give me time....

Hence the rainbow....

symbol of hope...

of a new start..

Comforting?!

A couple of weeks ago....

I asked the question..

"Where do you go

when you need to unwind?"

So many of you

shared your special ways and places.

Thank you!

I wanted to share with you

another of my 'winding down' places

The deep water estuary

of Milford Haven

has been used over the centuries

for many enterprises

The 3 o'clock ferry

to Ireland

goes all steam ahead

The deep dry docks

where boats come in for overhaul and repairs

are behind me as I look across

the estuary.

Doesn't that yacht look small against the ferry?

Behind me too is 

the Marina and a lot of

shops under the colonnade

and also

a few cafes!

Now, shall we have a hot chocolate

like this lady?

Oh, it does look scrummy...

with its whipped cream..

and marshmallows..

No...

I suppose a cup of tea

will be less fattening and..

more refreshing!

Young people are in the marina 

practicing rowing

It was time 

for a little walk around the marina 

before going home

An old winch

In the dry dock!

Working boats

Below is the Fishery Patrol boat

Milford Haven 

is a very special place

for me.

When I am there I just relax

and let go....

I feel so 'held' there.

Why?

Well my mother was born there....

and I spent many happy hours

on holiday

and spending time 

with my grandparents

and my aunt and uncle.

When I was young,

my parents lived in the Midlands

and I suffered terribly with asthma.

It was felt that the sea air might help 

so off I went

to stay in Milford 

and go to school there for a while!

In those days

this area was all docks....

and to many fishing boats...

this was their home.

What a busy place it was then 

with the fishmarket,

the ice factory,

and all the rest of the things necessary 

for a thriving Fishing port!

I spent so much time here with my grandfather

who was an electrician on the docks.

In fact it was always said by the locals that he..

'lit up the docks'!!

as he installed the electric lighting!

I remember one day

my younger brother was fishing off the end of the pier for tiddlers 

and caught nothing.

Grandad took him into the fishmarket 

and bought a couple of fish.

My brother took them home... 

and told granny that he had caught them!

I don't know whether.... 

or not... 

she believed him 

as they were plaice 

(which can only be caught a long way from here)

anyway she was very convincing in her praise!!

In the records in this museum

it mentions about Grandad

and the lighting

My mother was a wren in the war

and the building she worked in 

as a communications officer

still stands on the docks.

It's used by the fisheries now.

When Mum comes to stay 

this is one of the places we visit

so many memories..

memories of drilling, 

with the other wrens from the wrennery, 

along the Rath...

memories of walking home in the pitch black after a duty and feeling rather frightened...

So many memories!!

This is Mum

outside her office

with her immediate superior.

Mum met my father when his ship

came into Milford with a big hole in the side!

He was on destroyers

and then submarines....

They were married here in Milford....

and Mum stayed with her parents 

until Dad 

came home from the war

So Milford settles and comforts me

when I feel rather

out of kilter.

Somehow I feel held and embraced!

This week 

I'm joining


The Tablescaper for....... Seasonal Sundays